Wait With Confidence

I’ve never seen a farmer plant a crop and then worry night and day about whether or not it’s going to come up. He doesn’t lose sleep thinking, “Oh, I hope that my corn is going to take root. Please God, let my corn bring a harvest.” No, he waits with confidence, knowing that the harvest will come. He does his part, and he knows that seed will produce a good crop.

In the same way, we should wait confidently. We have to stand firm in the knowledge that things will get better. It’s not enough to just hope that your situation is going to turn around. Instead of the attitude “I hope I get well”, have the attitude of confidence and say, “I am getting well.” Start waiting like the farmer. Wait with a knowing. Wait with confidence.*

Waiting is hard. Waiting to feel better when you are in a deep, dark hole or are wracked with anxiety or obsessive thoughts seems impossible. What we know about Postpartum Mood Disorders is that they are 100% treatable and mostly curable with proper treatment and compliance. From my own experience I realize that once you are so very low it is difficult to even see out of the deep, dark hole of depression and realize there is life outside of it. The top of the hole, where the light of wellness shines, is far from the depths of PPD. However, we know that the sun does shine whether we can see it or not. Even in a basement without windows we know that light exists. We know that once we exit that space the sun will shine. We should remember this when desperation and hopelessness reek havoc in our lives. It may be a long climb. It may not be easy. But remember, the top of the hole is there even if you can't yet see it.

"…See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and stand firm…"
(James 5:7-8, NIV).

*modified from Today's Word with Joel Osteen Ministries

There is hope...

Dear friends,

It may be difficult to have hope when you are feeling hopeless and desperate. Once down, not only is it hard to get up, but it is difficult just to consider the possibility that you can get up. That's how depression and anxiety work. They force you into an uncomfortable, sad, and desperate place and convince you that you will remain there forever. That's how they try to keep you there...they create a vicious cycle of despair and then entrap you by convincing you at your weakest moment that you will not be able to rebound. Once your brain repeatedly accepts this as fact, this thinking pattern becomes habitual and eventually a self-fulfilling prophecy. You become more depressed by thinking that you will always be depressed. This depression then overwhelms you because you believe it will have no end. Many people describe their experiences with depression and anxiety as something that they could handle if it were temporary. Once a person questions the longevity of the beast the sense of capability in fighting or dealing with it is depleted or lost.

What I challenge you to remember in those first moments or hours or days of feeling down is that there can and will be an end! Break the cycle. Tell yourself and the ugly thoughts and feelings that you experience in periods of depression and anxiety that they are only temporary and that they will have an end. Remind yourself that you can handle, with your coping skills, a temporary downturn. Seek the help of a loved one. Whether it be your spouse, your friends, or your God, ask for help. Ask for a hand in climbing out of the dark place. Knowing that you have the power to do so is sometimes all you need to get through it. There is hope.

The National Media- Pregnancy and Motherhood

It seems that the media is publishing away about the perinatal mama...here is a sampling of some recent articles:

Why Pregnancy Sucks by Heather Armstrong (aka Dooce) in Time magazine

NIMH: Premature Birth Risk Higher for Pregnant Women Taking SSRIs or Suffering from Untreated Depression

Health Day: Exercise During Pregnancy May Help Baby

Health Day: Babies Born Only 2 to 3 Weeks Early May Face Development Delays

Multiple births increase risk of postpartum depression at CNN

Science Daily: Babies Born To Women With Anxiety Or Depression Are More Likely To Sleep Poorly

Go Erie- Something good from my hubby's hometown: Hamot Hospital program looks at postpartum depression

Scientific American: Postpartum Depression

Helpful Items for Expectant and New Moms

In addition to educating expectant and new moms about PPMDs and realistic expectations about motherhood, I believe it is our responsibility as veteran mamas to help equip moms with tools that will make their lives a little easier and more pleasurable in those first months. Here is a list of my fave baby gift items. Please add your faves to the comments section (and include the link to a site where there's more info or purchase capabilities).

My Breast Friend Nursing Pillow
Happiest Baby on the Block DVD
Moms on Call book and DVD
Fisher Price Rainforest swing
Ergo Baby Carrier
The Peanut Shell

The Hooter Hider
Grocery Cart Cover
Itzbeen timer

Universal Screening for PPMDs: why it is CRUCIAL!

It is my opinion that the key component in better care of and prevention of PPMDs is universal screening by all physicians who interact with perinatal women. This includes: OB/GYNs, nurses, midwives, PCPs, Pediatricians, lactation consultants, childbirth educators, and Psychiatrists and therapists. Below are some articles, studies and other publications that discuss the topic.
Maternal Depression: You can't judge a Book by its Cover
2008 Study of Screening by OB Providers
2007 Study by American Board of Family Medicine
Article on Screening by Pediatric Nurse Practioners based upon 2009 Study
2005 Study of Postpartum Depression Assessments at Well-Baby Visits

Here are resources for practitioners that will offer assistance in Screening those in your care:

Resources for Practitioners: Postpartum Depression and Evidence Based Postpartum Care MedEdPPD Screening Resources for Providers A Postpartum Depression Action Plan for your patients List of Clinical Trials on Postpartum Depression

Even individual women with no specific tie to the Perinatal community can help...here's how:
1) Tell these folks that you are in favor of universal screening and ask if they screen routinely.
2) Bring awareness to OB/GYNs, nurses, midwives, PCPs, Pediatricians, lactation consultants, childbirth educators, and Psychiatrists and therapists. You may assume that these folks already know more about PPMDs or have access to more resources than you could, but generally speaking that's not true! You can help by sharing info on the EPDS, local support groups, local resource networks or even PSI with these folks.
3) Share information about your experience or that of your loved one with these providers. Many, even OB's or therapists, do not realize the range of symptoms or risk factors associated with PPMDs.
4) Encourage providers to join PSI (and GA providers to join GPSN)!
5) Talk to your friends and family about PPMDs. Share the facts on signs and symptoms, especially with those who are expecting or recently have had a baby. Encourage them to ask their provider to screen them at the appropriate times (once in the 3rd trimester and at least twice 3 weeks to 3 months postpartum).

Two Baby Workshops in Atlanta

LIFE AFTER BABY: A WORKSHOP FOR NEW PARENTS
You've Had Your Baby, Now What Do You Do???
SUNDAY, APRIL 26, 2PM
LOCATION: Frazer Center, 1815 S Ponce De Leon Ave NE, Atlanta, GA 30307
COST: $10 PER PERSON

Learn how to take care of yourself and your family after baby's arrived. Practical tips on avoiding exhaustion, reconnecting romantically with your partner and carving out some 'Me' time (and not feeling guilty about it!!) This workshop provides support and education for caring for your couple relationship. We'll cover communication, being a parent 'team', division of responsibilities, intimacy & sex, career & work and social life. The workshop will be led by Amy Rostand Morris, a licensed counselor who specializes in working with families.

Go to: http://www.ohbabyfitness.com/classlist/?class=22 to register online.

BABY BASICS WORKSHOP
SUNDAY, MAY 3, 12PM
AT ADRENALINE FITNESS, 5251 PEACHTREE INDUSTRIAL BLVD, ATL
COST: $10 PER PERSON

Moms and Dads-to-be are invited to attend this afternoon workshop. Participants will discuss and practice the skills needed to nurture and care for their baby. Learn how to handle, burp, change, clean, swaddle and calm a newborn infant. Plenty of time will be left for Q&A. Class is led by Barbara Negelow who is a Certified Registered Nurse and Certified Childbirth Educator. She owns and runs http://www.readybirth.com. Barbara is also an AJC Nurse of Excellence for 2009.
*Happiest Baby on the Block DVDs will be available for sale at this workshop too.

Go to: http://www.ohbabyfitness.com/classlist/?class=21 to register online.

Bloggers call for support of the Mother's Act today!

Check out these links to info about the Mother's Act and those who are supporting it!

Mary Jo Codey’s Interview

A link to text of the bill

A link to Perinatal Pro

A link to a statement from Senator Menendez applauding today’s grassroots Blogging action in support of the MBSMA

Thanks to Lauren Hale at Unexpected Blessing for providing this great info!

NY Times magazine features PPD story of Dooce

This is an article in NYTimes Magazine about Dooce...one of my fave blog authors!

ABC's General Hospital educates and informs about PPMDs!

Come listen at PP&B to my story of PPMD on Tuesday at 10AM!

Time: April 21, 2009 from 10am to 11am
Location: Your Telephone!
Organized By: Tiffani Lawton

Event Description:
Join Amber (ME!!!) as she shares how unexpected Postpartum Major Depression descended upon her and sheI got through it.

"Having always been a fairly cheerful person and having been so anxious to meet my baby, I could not have been more shocked to hear the words "no, I am not" leave my lips when I was asked whether I was ready to meet my son. How could I possibly not want to cradle and feed the child for who I had longed to hold and kiss? This moment was followed by numerous others totaling several months of a severe and clinical depression. The horrid sadness and hopelessness caused a desperate wish to simply fade away into nothing. The self-hate caused by the illness convinced me of my complete worthlessness to my family and encouraged thoughts of how much better off they would be without me. The lack of relief from the pain scared me almost to death...I knew I could not live very long feeling this badly."

Call 1-712-421-7475
Conference Passcode: 241404

Crooked journeys

One of my dear friends, a woman I met through postpartum peer support, wrote me the other day. She had noticed the new "I'm a Sunday" logo and link on the sidebar of my blog and had clicked. Here is her note to me and my response:

N: so i'm on your blog and clicked that "i'm a sunday" link. an hour later (my husband) is asking me why i'm sobbing at the computer. what an incredible story - and it feels wrong to call it a story. i just can't imagine and yet i think as moms the way it hits us all so viscerally is because we can imagine and can't imagine how it must feel to have our hearts torn from us. the letter she wrote to audrey was heartwrenching and beautiful and painfully praiseworthy. what a testimony.

Amber: Isn't it insane? I totally think the craziest thing about motherhood for me has been that your absolute love, adoration and connection to your child (i.e. complete and total devastation if you were to lose them) can be almost matched by the challenges, struggles, and depression that accompany parenthood...how weird is it that the thing that makes you the most sad, anxious and guilty is also that which you cannot stand to even consider losing?

Today this message was delivered to my inbox from Joel Osteen ministries. As I read it I thought about how God, no matter how crooked or long and crooked our road, makes all things new and good and gives us the strength for the long and crooked journey. This is the only way we survive PPD or even something as terrifying as the death of a beloved child. Angie Smith is a testament to the power of the Word and her God. May we be testaments to the reality that women with PPMDs are not alone and will get better...our very crooked paths will be straight eventually.

He Makes Crooked Places Straight

TODAY'S SCRIPTURE

“Every valley shall be lifted and filled up, and every mountain and hill shall be made low; and the crooked and uneven shall be made straight and level, and the rough places a plain”
(Isaiah 40:4, AMP).

TODAY'S WORD from Joel and Victoria

Have you been struggling in an area of your life for quite some time? God has promised He will go before you and prepare a path for you; He’ll make your crooked places straight. He wants to smooth things out for you. I believe that as you continue to commit your ways to Him, He will bring you into a season where things are going to start falling into place. You’re going to get breaks that you didn’t deserve. The promises that you’ve been standing on, you’re going to see them begin to come to pass. It’s time for you to get ready and get your fire back!

Start expecting that you are coming in to a new season. Maybe it’s in your finances. Maybe you’ve struggled for a long time. Begin to declare that you’re going to see supernatural increase, supernatural opportunities, supernatural promotion. Remember, the economy is not your source—God is. He’s the One who opens doors that no person can shut. Keep standing, keep believing because God is going to make your crooked places straight and lead you down the path of blessing and victory in every area of your life!!

A PRAYER FOR TODAY

Heavenly Father, thank You for preparing a path for me. I know You are working behind the scenes to make the crooked places straight and the rough places smooth. Give me Your strength to keep moving forward on the good path that you have for me. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

Shared from www.joelosteen.com

Atlanta Community Education Series- FREE TO PARTICIPANTS

Mental Health America of Georgia and Skyland Trail are proud to announce a free event in our community education series - “Change Your Mind and Change Your Life” – a presentation on evidence-based applications of cognitive behavioral therapy, meditation, acupuncture and hypnotherapy for treating anxiety, depression, addiction, and pain management. This presentation will take place on Thursday, May 7, 2009 from 6:15 pm – 8:30 pm. Registration begins at 5:45 pm.

Our expert speaker is Ken Scroggs, LPC, LCSW, LMFT, CEAP. Ken is the CEO and Founder of EAP Works, a division of the North Pines Center, Inc., in Norcross, Georgia.

******************************************************************************************************************************************************

The use of complementary and alternative medicine approaches to mental health treatment is growing in western countries, especially as evidence supporting their therapeutic benefit increases. The appeal of such “nonconventional” treatment approaches includes the holistic approach to health, with an emphasis on self-healing and a focus on wellness and balance rather than pathology. As these approaches become more widespread, it is important that clinicians, consumers, and the general public learn about and understand them.

Participants who come to this event will have the opportunity to take part in exercises designed to experience these potentially life-changing therapies and to share their insights.

Hurry! Space is limited – the deadline for registration is May 1, 2009!
RSVP: communityeducationseries@skylandtrail.org or 678-686-5901

DOROTHY C. FUQUA TRAINING CENTER
(Located between the Hampton Inn and the
Health and Education Center)
1961 North Druid Hills Road | Atlanta, Georgia 30329
404-315-8333

Please note that approval status is pending for 2 CE credits through LPCA-GA, NASW-GA, and GAMFT.

A reflection on forgiveness

Mark 6:6b-13 (New International Version)

Then Jesus went around teaching from village to village. ⁷Calling the Twelve to him, he sent them out two by two and gave them authority over evil spirits.

⁸These were his instructions: "Take nothing for the journey except a staff—no bread, no bag, no money in your belts. ⁹Wear sandals but not an extra tunic. ¹⁰Whenever you enter a house, stay there until you leave that town. ¹¹And if any place will not welcome you or listen to you, shake the dust off your feet when you leave, as a testimony against them."

Jesus instructs us to "shake the dust off our feet." To me, this message is so connected to my life philosophy.

Our Women's Bible Study has been reading the book Calm My Anxious Heart. Last week's chapter and discussion focused on what type of "forgiver" we identify ourselves as and how we serve God by forgiving others and ourselves. Throughout the time together, we had very emotional conversations and many people shared very personal stories of forgiveness, trauma, and the way that harmful acts can actually emotionally and physically poison us.

In one section of the chapter, several quotes were written and the author asked us as the readers to identify which statement most described who we were personally as forgivers. One statement resonated with me. This statement basically described a person who was easily able to forgive wrongs done to her but who found that forgiving others for harm done to those she cares about is much more of a challenge. I shared my experience growing up with an abusive and alcoholic mother and how I seemed to weather the storm of the unpredictable and dangerous life I lived in my early teen years fairly well. My mother is recovered. She is active in her life, a good friend, and provides childcare to infants in a loving and gentle way now. She is almost a different person from the drunken, screaming, mentally ill and angry woman that raised me. I really have forgiven her for the horrible situation and household in which I grew up. However, I still have weekly dreams about the harm she did to others. The abusive and manipulative relationship she had with my elderly grandparents. The neglectful way she "cared" for them and my dog which only worsened when I finally moved out after years of living isolated and silent in my world. I have forgiven her...mostly. But I do find that forgiving her for the pain she caused others I cared about and the guilt associated with not having done more to stop her, even though I was a child, continues to cause me grief. My dog and my grandparents were helpless in their situations. They were too old, too ill, and too alone to stand up for themselves. They could not say, "Enough already! We love you and want you to get better, but it is not ok that you are hurting us, your child and your dog. You are an alcoholic. You are an abuser. You are a manipulator. You are a thief. You have a choice...receive this message, accept God's saving grace and the strength that He will provide you to get better or don't. It's your choice. We will no longer stand by and enable you to abuse us and yourself. We will no longer allow you to do this." My grandparents were not able in their 80s and 90s and with their poor health to do this. However, many struggling people out there are capable of saying just this thing. Many people are able to protect themselves and others for whom they care by offering the message and then if it is not received shaking the dust off their feet and moving on.

The thing is, I don't believe that God requires us to carry the burden of "the cross to bear" of other's addiction problems, abuse, or neglect. My God is a loving, kind, empowering God who requires us to care for ourselves and our children in the most competent way possible. Those who accept their situation and allow themselves and others to be abused while rationalizing it as their spiritual burden are participating in the abuse. Shake the dust off your feet, friends! Free yourself from the pain, sorrow, and self-imposed responsibility for someone else's actions. Repeated forgiveness offered to those who make no effort at changing is like yelling at a deaf person. You are offering something that cannot be received and which is only depleting your resources and exhausting you.

While this post is not directly related to Postpartum Mood Disorders, I wanted to share it with the readers of Beyond Postpartum. So many of you have shared your stories of challenged relationships with me and many more of you may be in a situation right now where you need to shake the dust off your feet. Often, these very relationships can be risk factors for PPMDs and certainly exacerbators of depression and anxiety. I pray that God will be evident and present in your life so that you can first more forward and then forgive...yourself and others.

Going through the motions

Recently I was driving home when the Christian Sirius station I was listening to played a song called "The Motions." Similarly to my experience leaving the psychiatrist's office when "Let it Fade" played just at the moment when I physically, emotionally, and spiritually needed to hear the message, this song spoke to my heart. What a perfect analogy for those of us who so desperately wanted to love and enjoy the moments of the early months of our childrens' lives when all we could do was literally to meet their most basic needs and then "go through the motions." Both for our own sakes and the sake of those around us so many of us smile, answer a polite, "he/she is great!" when asked about our new baby, and pretend to be so happy and joyful in parenting our children for their benefit as we change yet another diaper, wake yet another time in the night or go unshowered yet one more day.

The following are the lyrics to Matthew's West's "The Motions"
This might hurt
It’s not safe
But I know that I’ve gotta make a change
I don’t care
If I break
At least I’ll be feeling something
‘Cause just ok
Is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don’t wanna go through the motions
I don’t wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything?
Instead of going through the motions

No regrets
Not this time
I’m gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love
Make me whole
I think I’m finally feeling something

Take me all the way
Take me all the way
Take me all the way

Though this song speaks directly to the topic of being a true follower of Christ which goes SO beyond simply naming your religion as Christianity, the parallels are uncanny. When we become parents we do need to make a change. We need to change our lifestyles, our sleep patterns, our priorities, our daily habits and schedules, nearly everything about the life of an adult changes suddenly. Though the nine months of pregnancy help you to prepare your home for a baby and to prepare yourself and your family for the fact that another human being will arrive, there is not a gentle or slow transition to parenthood. One day your body is carrying tons of extra weight and you are still able to run errands, go to work, watch a movie or take a nap at your leisure. The next day or week you could potentially be awakening to a crying little being every two hours and be so sleep-deprived that you are begging your child to "go back in your tummy for just a couple of hours/days" so you can get some rest. Gone are the "quick trips" to the grocery store, the dry cleaner or the post office. Here come the 20 minutes of loading bags, car seats, and other baby things into the car just to go pick up some milk.

The truth is I didn't want to spend my whole life asking what if I had given my everything. I didn't want to question whether I could have been a better, more loving parent who enjoyed her role much more. What drove me to be proactive, compliant and absolutely driven in my recovery from PPD was exactly that...I needed my child's love and my God's love for me to make me whole, to take me all the way, to help me fight through the nothingness of a life filled with depression and anxiety. I didn't want to just go through the motions of mothering. To meet the most basic needs of my child but never form a real bond and find joy in our relationship. To wonder if I would ever feel something. The truth is "just ok" is NOT enough. For me, being a just ok mother, feeling just ok about my son, and living a life without purpose, passion and a positive outlook were not options.

Thank you, God for continuing to send your message to me in a variety of forms. Thank you for helping me to create a life in which I don't need to just go through the motions. I know that I will continue to face challenges and that others will, as well. I ask you to bless all those in need with the ability to be proactive and to find the strength and determination to move past "going through the motions" and to create a life for themselves that is filled with good things.

TLC looking for OCD sufferers for Documentary

Below is information on a documentary that TLC is planning to film very soon. The show plans to feature the lives of 2-3 people with OCD and postpartum OCD sufferers who are CURRENTLY in the midst of the illness and still experiencing significant symptoms will be considered. PLEASE contact Brittany- what a great thing it would be to educate the public about PP OCD through a survivor mama's own experience!

Pink Sneakers Productions and TLC are currently casting for a new documentary series entitled “Life Chronicles: I have OCD”.

Here is some more info on the project:

"Life Chronicles" aims to inspire and/or enlighten others by relaying the personal experiences of those facing exceptional circumstances or coping with life-altering events in a true documentary-style format. Each show intends to tackle a different life-altering topic, including an episode dedicated to OCD. We're interested in exploring each story through a personal perspective and show how it affects you on a daily basis. We're also interested in daily life and relationships with family members. We do realize the sensitive nature of the subject, and intend on covering the case with the utmost respect of all parties involved.

I'd like to thank you in advance for speaking with us.

In the meantime, feel free to check out some of the programming on the TLC
network, a division of Discovery. They do a lot of documentary programming:

http://tlc.discovery.com

Pink Sneakers has also produced various episodes of MTV's True Life series:
http://www.mtv.com/ontv/dyn/truelife/series.jhtml

Thank you so much for your time!

bathey@pinksneakers.net

Survivor Mama writes book

Beth Benoliel wrote me recently to ask if I would share the link to information about the book she has written about her experience with Postpartum Depression. I am happy to share this LINK, though I have not yet read the book. Congratulations to you, Beth, for utilizing your energy to help others!