In 2005 my husband and I were visiting friends we had met in Jamaica on our honeymoon at their home in Milan, Italy. Anita, Davide's wife, began singing along to a song that was on a music video channel as we sat around and chatted after dinner one evening. She was singing along with such vigor that we began to listen more carefully to the words and to watch as the singer, Vasco Rossi, belt out his latest hit, "
Senza Parole." This moment caught us by surprise as we watched our normally mild-mannered friend become clearly caught up in the emotion of the song.
My blog is entitled Senza Medicina today as I celebrate (I think) more than 2 months without anti-depressant medication and nearly a week completely free of anti-anxiety/sleep medication. My organic eating, all natural product loving, non-medical intervention promoting self sure has been through a lot in the past 19 months. From a ridiculous labor, to a surgical birth and numerous breastfeeding issues to the unbelievably life-changing postpartum experience I endured with help, I certainly have had to learn the hard way about flexibilty and openess. At the point when I finally reached out and got the professional help that I needed at 6 weeks postpartum I was so desperate and aware of how sick I was that I knew I had to put aside my feelings about prescription drugs. In matters of life and death, our preferences have to take a back seat. I am SO thankful that despite my lack of reasoning skills and my complete and utter inability to make a decision about most things at all, let alone a good decision, that I complied with the treatment my doctor prescribed. Too many women suffer in silence or in unnecessary ways because of their inability to come to terms with a (typically temporary) psychaitric drug presciption. Research has shown that nearly all moderate to severe postpartum mood disorders require medical intervention, usually antidepressant medications. Who knows why...if we did know hopefully we would be spending time spreading the word on how to prevent PPMDs on our blogs instead of talking about support groups, education, and therapists. The reality, as crappy as it is, is that we are not really sure what factors or combinations of factors are the exact cause for PPMDs. We know that there are risk factors. We know that hormonal and chemical changes are associated with the dramatic change in mood many women experience during pregnancy and/or after childbirth.
So, following the advice of my psychaitrist I began antidepressants. More than two weeks later, experiencing little relief from the anxiety and insomnia that were exacerbating, if not all-together causing, my deep depression, I began two other meds. Finally, by Christmas, at 12 weeks postpartum, I was able to dress myself, put on make-up and join my family for dinner. The previous 31 years I had been able to do so for holidays just fine. That Thanksgiving, however, I hadn't even able to stay downstairs for the entire meal without completely breaking down and retreating to another floor of my parents' home. In the Spring of the following year, I was well enough and motivated to explore helping others with PPMDs. I began this blog and met with Licia Freeman, a local therapist who specializes in treating women with these issues. Licia is also a co-coordinator for
PSI. Licia and I talked and she shared info on starting a support group with me. She helped prepare me with the tools that I would need to get such an endeavor going. She also graciously offered me good advice for women in the early stages of a possible PPMD. Included in this advice was information about the importance of 5 consecutive hours of sleep and also about committing to medication for at least 18 months. A recent study had showed a large relapse rate in women who discontinued their meds at 15 months or before.
So, here we are...at a little more than 19 months postpartum I had been on meds for nearly 18 months. I have been tapering for 5-6 months so that my body would be able to endure a slow and gentle weaning, rather than an abrupt shock to my system that could have precipitated a relapse. I had read a lot of information online about the medications I had been taking and the possible effects of reducing the dose or stopping. Some of those symptoms were scary and could have been painful. Thankfully, I believe in part to the very slow way I reduced the dosage each week, I experienced almost no side effects or withdrawal symptoms. I'll be honest, I have had a little trouble falling and staying asleep this week. I know it's probably because my body has not had to get to sleep on its own in a while. I'm going to give it some time. I know that it won't last forever and that I can always ask for help if the insomnia takes over again.
Everyone needs to do what is right for them. For some, thankfully, good results come from alternative treatments or therapies. For many, however, medication is needed to right the body and brain after being under attack. The symptoms and behaviors I was experiencing were all a part of the aftermath of a traumatic birth, a difficult recovery and lots of symptoms of multiple postpartum mood disorders. I continue to read many, many comments at the bottom of many, many news articles written by people who believe that postpartum depression doesn't exist as a real condition and that mothers just need to pull up their bootstraps and fight. Let us remind those who judge that they have not had to endure such painful experiences and that no mother would ever wish on herself a less than a glorious and glowing (albeit horribly unrealistic) postpartum period. Big pharma may be the enemy to some and sure they are the ones who supply these medications, but regardless of the supplier or the fact that a little extra dough may be in the pocket of some big-shot at Lexapro, I am better. That's all that matters to me.