I have PPD: Has God abandoned me?

I have received many inquiries on this topic throughout the time that I have been writing at Beyond Postpartum and facilitating the Support Group in Atlanta.  It seems like a rather natural thing to question God when your health is compromised.  In thinking about Perinatal Mood Disorders, it seems even more natural to be angry when the illness strikes you at the time when you most anticipated being happy, therefore not only disabling you, but also taking you by surprise.  What terrible timing these disorders have!

This letter I recently received prompted me to contact someone close to my heart and whom I trust explicitly about all things faith oriented.  Pastor Sims and his wife were my rocks, in prayer and in person during the darkest hours of my PPD.  What a blessing they were to me.  I hope through this post he may bless your life, as well.

Hi Amber,

I saw your blog from Postpartum progress and am a Christian battling it right now.  I have more good days than bad, but how did you not get angry at God on your bad days, and not feel like he totally abandoned you?  I struggle with that all the time when I have bad days.  My husband prays with me and for me when words can't come out and reads scripture to me and for me when I can't. 

I just want it to be done. . .DONE. . .

Thanks for any insight.
Vanessa

Dear Vanessa,

I am not surprised that you feel angry at God and abandoned by him while in the throws of deep despondency that occurs to so many women after their child has been born. You know the darkness is not your fault and you feel helpless to climb out of the hole. You are frustrated and angry because you want to get on with your life and to enjoy the blessing of your new baby. Women often feel guilty because they are having trouble celebrating the birth. Let me say to you that the depression is not your fault and you should never feel guilty because you are struggling with so great an emotional burden. Keep praying. God is listening and he cares for you and your family. He has not abandoned you and he never will. Jesus promised to be with you always and he is keeping that promise. Jesus knows how you feel better than anyone because he had those exact same feelings on the cross. In that most agonizing moment of his life he prayed,"My God, why have you forsaken me?" He knew the Father had not forsaken him and that in three days he would be resurrected to new life. He was expressing his feelings of anguish and pain. You too  have the right to express your anguish, pain and the real feeling that you have been abandoned. I want to assure you that the feeling that is so overwhelming is not the ultimate reality. The truth from God is that he is with you now, and that because in his son Jesus he suffered, he now understands your suffering. He feels your pain and  loves you and holds you in his arms especially in the dark moments of despair. You may not always feel his nearness but he is always near. Jesus said,"Come unto me all you who labor and I will give you rest." I know how difficult the bad days can be and I am so sorry. I pray they will get further and further apart until they are gone for good. Keep up your faith and trust in God. He stands with you and is always by your side. When you are angry and hurt tell him. When you feel abandoned tell him. He understands. He holds nothing against you. He loves you completely and forever. May he grant you strength and peace.

Faithfully,

Pastor Robert Sims 

The Rev. Dr. Robert F. Sims

Predicting Postpartum Depression

A study came out recently suggesting that most cases of Postpartum Depression can be detected in expectant women by examining risk factors such as social support and prior psychiatric issues (in women or in their genetic pool). The authors also indicate that two protection factors reduced the risk of developing postpartum depression. They contend that the older the woman was when she gave birth, the lower her chance of depression. Second, whether a woman worked during her pregnancy also impacted the chance of developing postnatal depression.

This study which was performed by Spanish researchers is significant to the research and treatment of perinatal mood disorders worldwide as if taken seriously, screening before and after birth in order to treat early (which is the most effective and efficient way to cure PPD) is supported by its results.

To read up on the entire study, check out this article.

Daring to Love

I am beat. This weekend we had a HUGE event at church that I am primarily responsible for organizing and overseeing and I got a taste of the former full-time worker bee life that I had retired from a year ago. Today is day 9 of my church stretch and tomorrow will make 10 days straight at church. Wednesday, I will take a much-needed day to catch up on stuff. The most important of this will be spending a whole day at home with my baby who is nearing his second birthday. Not that I haven't seen L. at all during the past weeks, but the time has been more limited than usual and he and I are both displaying the effects of that.

Today I really wanted to blog. It's been a few days since I posted and I felt obligated. I love to write. I am so grateful for this blog because it has given me a quick, easy, cheap and dirty outlet for one of my favorite pastimes. I don't have to write about any particular topic or chronological event, which makes this a much more successful endeavor than the "book" that I have been "writing" for over a year that only contains about 10 pages of thoughts. I pray that I someday will complete that project, but I also need to let myself off the hook if I don't do it anytime soon or if I don't do it at all. God will grant me the time, energy and focus if it is to be.

So I can get to the point of this exhausted rambling, I wanted to share with you that hubby and I had begun a journey together. We are on Day 6 of the Love Dare. We've seen the movie Fireproof a couple of times and decided to start a small group at church on Sunday mornings for married couples that would help to support and strengthen marriages of those at various life stages. All marriages, even stable ones, can use some enhancement. Ours can probably use a little more than that...I will call it enrichment in order to be kind to myself.

At first glance, this post seems to have little to do with Postpartum Depression. However, I am very aware of the toll that a perinatal mood disorder can have on a relationship and I want to encourage all of you to work towards something for your own benefit. If you are expecting or planning to become pregnant, please be just as focused on your marriage as you are on your fertility or impending new life. If you are postpartum, as soon as you are able (i.e. when you are stable and your treatment plan is working for you), try to find time to reconnect with your spouse. It will behoove you; I promise.

I my opinion there is no greater of a PPD risk factor or complication to effective treatment than a marriage or relationship that is unstable/an unsupportive partner. Parenting is a two person job and if you are sick can require a neighborhood instead of just a couple. The last place you want to go with a marriage on the rocks in down the path of a perinatal mood disorder. Thing is, you can't predict if you are going to have one or not. So, be prepared. Strengthen your marriage before baby and if it is compromised after the birth, work on it as soon as possible. In the same way that Katherine over at Postpartum Progress describes the length of time it takes to recover from PPD relative to how long you wait to get treatment, marriages that are let go for too long take even longer to repair.

Here are a list of resources that I hope may help you in this goal. Best wishes- I promise, your hard work will pay off in your good relationship as well as the positive role model that you will become for your children...

Babyproofing Your Marriage: How to Laugh More and Argue Less As Your Family Grows

And Baby Makes Three: The Six-Step Plan for Preserving Marital Intimacy and Rekindling Romance After Baby Arrives

We Should Do This More Often: A Parents' Guide to Romance, Passion, and Other Pre-Child Activities You Vaguely Recall

Take Back Your Marriage: Sticking Together in a World That Pulls Us Apart

Sacred Marriage

Postpartum and Depression News/Research

My inbox is filled with google alerts for news articles related to postpartum depression. In fact, I am embarrassed to say I still have more than 100 unopened emails in my inbox which I had cleared prior to leaving for Italy. I hope that I will soon climb out from under the pile of stuff (emotional, electronic, and tangible) which I have been living beneath for a month now. In the meantime, feel free to read up and comment on any of these articles that may interest you.

Researchers Develop Biomarker For Rapid Relief Of Major Depression

Prentice Women's Hospital Launches New Initiative To Better Identify And Address Postpartum Depression

Brain-Wave Patterns May Predict The Effectiveness Of Medication On Major Depression

Postpartum Baby Blues Impact Majority Of New Moms

How your partner reacts to your PPMD shapes your experience...

This week I read two great posts on blogs about being married, having kids, and especially Perinatal Mood Disorders.

Over at Wedded Bliss, Malia "brags on her husband" citing in #7 of her 10 reasons why she brags that he is an awesome husband because he stuck by her and helped her through her really, really rough time emotionally.

At Postpartum Progress, I read the story of a Dad who now admits that he totally sucked as a husband when his wife was going through PPD. Katherine posted a bit he had written in hindsight that should be a list of "NOT to dos while your wife is suffering."

I want to hear about how your husband or partner did or did not support you during your struggles, whether it was with Baby Blues or Postpartum Psychosis or something in between. Let's make a checklist of TO DOs when your wife is suffering. Hindsight is 20-20 and maybe we can be of help to some expecting couples out there who may find their way onto the bumpy and long road that we've already traveled. Email me at atlantamom930@gmail.com or leave comments here and I will post the list in a couple of weeks!

Me, the Host: from Crystal to Sippy Cups

Well, one of the ways that I am vowing to focus more on my real priorities (the ones set in my previous post) is that I am going to minimize time spent on Facebook. I love this tool for sharing information, photos and ease of keeping in touch with good friends who I may not be able to speak to very often, but whom I truly do want to keep in touch. Probably like you, I have several folks who are currently "friends" who I need to simply remove. Ones who consistently post status updates filled with negativity like, "I have a headache again," "My child has a fever," and my favorite (NOT) "I am so sad, depressed, etc" are at the top of the list. It's not that I don't have sympathy for someone going through a difficult time, but I really have strong feelings about what is appropriate and inappropriate to post to hundreds of people. Seriously, if you do not have a support system among your family and inner circle of friends strong enough to fulfill your need to vent about your bad day or your child's illness, then I hope this is a wake-up call that you need one! You've read time and time again on this blog about the need to care for yourself and the importance of social support, especially for moms, and I'm not changing my tune on this anytime soon!

Back to the point, one of my most recent status updates on Facebook was something to the effect of: Motherhood= trading steaks for graham crackers, crystal for sippy cups, and dinner parties for playdates. I posted this last week after sending our friends off after a playdate at our house for my son and two boys his age.

At almost two years postpartum, I am just now finding myself falling back into the routine of regularly hosting visitors to my home and doing other things that resemble my former life's schedule. I realized last week that I really enjoyed being hostess and serving our guests, even if they were pint sized. The sense of normalcy and accomplishment by hosting an event, even one as trivial as a playdate, felt great! It may very well be that I have indeed put the crystal away for a few years, but this playdate reminded me of the importance of continuing to do the things you love- whatever they may be- even once you become a mom.

Today, I challenge you to ponder what "things" make you who you are and to put one of those on your calendar. Share it here, too!

Here's a link to an article that discusses the transition to motherhood and gives some good pointers around realistic expectations.

Missing? Nope, just adjusting.

Hey Everyone- Sorry, I promise I have not been AWOL...Our trip to Italy threw me off a little, but blessed me in several ways. One of those ways was that being 2 weeks behind on emails, phone calls, volunteer work, paid work, and housework helped me re-prioritize.

Since I have returned, I have made a vow (and some action oriented steps) to focus on what is really important first, urgent next, marginally important next and then only what has little importance if I have time (yeah right, cause that will happen while I have small children at home). For my blog, this means that will be be posting less often, and only articles that I think are really important to moms or families dealing with perinatal mood disorders or those interested in all the changes that being a mom of small children brings to your life even if you are blessed not to have PPD.

You all spoke and I am listening...You want to hear more personal stuff from me and read less medical news. You want me to post links to good articles, but not reprint most or all of them here. I am totally cool with that. So, in that vein, I am going to post this link to an article a blog reader sent to me via a comment to my earlier post about considering having a baby after PPD. It made a lot of sense and I TOTALLY identified with it as the thought of removing my IUD and seeing what God has in store for our family next calendar year becomes a more realistic possibility. I would love to hear your thoughts, too- please comment!

Special Blueprint for Hope event coming to Atlanta, GA on September 24

WHAT: DBSA Metropolitan Atlanta will be hosting an event with Paige Hemmis (ABC's Extreme Makeover: Home Edition™) as part of the Blueprint for Hope campaign. Blueprint for Hope aims to inspire people to speak with a health care professional about their depression symptoms and raise awareness of the importance of working with a health care professional to build a personalized "blueprint," or plan, for managing their illness.

At the event, Paige will share her story about her experience with depression and demonstrate a do-it-yourself (DIY) project to provide inspiration and motivation to people with depression. A local psychiatrist and participants from DBSA Metropolitan Atlanta will also be on hand to provide information about support groups and additional resources for managing depression.

WHEN: Thursday, September 24th, from 7:30 p.m. - 9:00 p.m.

WHERE: Renaissance Atlanta Hotel Downtown
590 West Peachtree Street NW
Atlanta, GA 30308

The event is free and open to the public, and refreshments will be served. Free valet parking is available at the hotel and the North Avenue MARTA station is located nearby.

Please be sure to RSVP by emailing Atlanta@BlueprintforHope.com or calling 1-877-418-7387. If you need additional information, please contact Kathleen Gallagher at kathleen.gallagher@porternovelli.com or 212-601-8453.

Blueprint for Hope is presented by Wyeth Pharmaceuticals.

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More information can be found at: http://www.DBSAlliance.org/blueprintforhope