Follow-up: How your Partner reacts to your PPMD

Back in September, I posted about how your partner reacts to your PPMD.  In this post, I asked the question of my readers and got some feedback.  My hope is that this feedback will help women to help their partners to help them and that partners who are reading here will be enlightened by what these Survivor Mamas said.  Please post your ideas into the comments section or email me.  

D. shares, "I think I told you once before that one of the most horrific part of having the PPMD was that my husband and mother did not believe that I had it.  I have always been somewhat of a hypochondriac, so I think they thought I was making it all up.  In fact, at one point my husband told me that there was no such illness as postpartum depression and that people just made it up to get sympathy.  I had absolutely no support and I was in such a bad state that I did not know where to turn for help.  The two people who I would normally lean on for support, my husband and mother, both wanted nothing to do with me and my made up illness.  It wasn't until I found your peer support group that I felt a sigh of relief.  There were actually people out there who KNEW what was happening to me and that I was not making it all up!  At some point, I think my husband and mother both realized that YES, I was struggling but it was not until many months later."

K shares, "1. I think it's important for fathers to make sure that they give their wives time to themselves, to do whatever they want, away from their husband and kid(s), at the very least 4 hours to themselves every single week.

2. I think it is also important that fathers show that they are making sacrifices in their life for their new child, just as the mothers are doing. Both parties should feel that they are having to make compromises with raising a child, not just one parent making all of the compromises and sacrifices."

Another K shares, "Gosh it is hard to even really remember those dark days much less how M. responded to me, but........I guess the biggest thing was he remained calm - regardless of what I was saying...He never over reacted, or really even reacted at all to my craziness.  He was very supportive toward me with any attempt at care giving I made - he was a cheerleader when I was nursing, but completely left it up to me and supported me when we needed to stop and switch to formula.  He took a lot of care of M. and let me sleep (wallow), which was great at the time, but maybe a bit of a double edged sword because I did not have to face reality for quite a while - not sure if that was good or bad, but it is what he thought I needed."

Thanks to all three of these Survivor Mamas for their honesty and willingness to dig deep about this topic! 

Cookie Magazine features PP Anxiety Story in November Issue

I was thrilled to open my mailbox on Thursday and see one of my favorite family magazines had chosen a perinatal mood disorder as a major topic in the most recent issue.  Cookie is a great magazine that has a bit of a different bent than Parents and other traditional magazines focused on motherhood.  I have seen some of those mags mention a PPD statistic here and there or even offer a couple of paragraphs about Postpartum Depression, but how exciting that Cookie took the road less traveled and focused on PP Anxiety and OCD!

I suggest you run to your local magazine retailer and pick up a copy as soon as you can.  The author of the story, Kate Rope, describes her experience in detail and is not afraid to mention that she needed an anti-depressant med to get her back on track.  I love the part where she mentions saying "I want out." repeatedly.  She follows that statement with a clarification that it isn't her family she wanted out of.  It is her MIND.  WOW.  I can totally relate to that.  There were about 3 months of my life where I wanted nothing more than to be back in my mind- my right mind and if I couldn't have had that one back I would have definately wanted out of the one I was in regardless.  Thankfully, as do all (or at least almost all) moms who receive and are compliant with treatment, Kate recovers.  I am so glad I recovered, too, and am especially grateful for continued awareness raised through sources that will definately reach the right audiences like magazines for new moms.

Blog Award

Recently, Penny Pinching Penguin, a fellow Survivor Mama, nominated me for this blog award.  I am very grateful for her recognition of this blog related to Perinatal Mood Disorders as her blogs have a focus on saving $ for your family through coupons, freebies and other frugal methods.

The Blog Award Rules Are:
To accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award and his/her blog link. Pass the award to approximately 15 other blogs that you have recently discovered and think are great! Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

I have been following many blogs recently and have had such a hard time choosing!  I am passing this award along to these blogs that you should also check out!

• Baby on Bored
• Bring The Rain
• Finding My Feet
• Following Your Joy
• I'm Living Proof that God Has a Sense of Humor
• In the Middle of Somewhere
• Jesnicole
• Just Gliding Along...
• kaolinmommy
• MacFamilyUnit
• Mama's Apple Cores
• Mama-Om
• Rediscovering Domesticity
• Simply Blessed
• SPEAK...
• The Bon Mama
• The Fearless Formula Feeder
• We Are THAT Family

MedEdPPD is seeking volunteers for a short survey on Maternal Depression

MedEdPPD is conducting a short survey to gauge interest in a potential university-based study of women of childbearing age who have a history of depression. Participation is completely anonymous and requires no personal information.

The aim of this study will be to prevent, without antidepressant medication, a recurrence of depression in women with a history of depression. Women in this program who are on antidepressant medication would taper off of it before trying to become pregnant. Clinicians will monitor study participants during pregnancy and after birth for signs of depression, and participants will be helped with selecting a non-pharmacological treatment if they become depressed. This study will begin in the clinic but continue over the Internet to maximize convenience for the busy mothers and mothers to be.

Click Here to Take the Survey

One sizes does NOT fit all

Last night as I was rocking my son to sleep I was thinking about all the posts I had read yesterday related to the breastfeeding/bottlefeeding debate that seems to be a sign of the times.  I know I have mentioned my struggles with breastfeeding my son on this blog before and have probably also alluded to the fact that the guilt I felt around not only not being able to feed from the breast past 1 week, but then only feeding breastmilk up to 6 weeks (via the bottle).  The guilt and sadness I have around this are profound and these thoughts of regret go through my head at least several times a week, even two years later.  

Several blog posts of late, some resulting in heated "discussions" in the comments section, have addressed the possible relationships between PPD and breastfeeding or not breastfeeding.  There are strong arguments on both sides.  Women who were suffering or who felt that they were quickly spiraling into a deep PPD sometimes mention that the turning point was when they stopped nursing and turned to a bottle of formula for various reasons.  Some needed the help from family and friends.  Some needed to go back to work and for whatever reason were not comfortable/able to keep up with pumping and storage while working and then have energy reserves for their families at the end of the day.  Some were in excruciating pain.  Some had babies who were not getting enough nutrition because of latch issues and who were falling behind in their growth.  Some had milk production issues.  Whatever the reasons, these women believe that discontinuing this process improved their entire family's life.  On the other hand, there is some research that indicates that stopping breastfeeding or not breastfeeding at all can be a risk factor for PPD.  That research may have some validity, I am sure, as I do believe that the scientific processes in the body associated with vaginal birth and nursing, activities that are certainly created by God strategically to meet a woman and her child's postpartum needs, are effective even in the modern world.  However, to assume that this one factor could "cause" PPD seems preposterous, especially considering all the women I personally know who experienced PPD regardless of their exclusive breastfeeding practice. 

I'll get to the point or otherwise you'll think you could have read all this basic info at these other websites without my post adding more fuel to the fire...

So last night I am rocking L. before bed, our nightly ritual.  We do an elaborate bedtime routine, begun when I was pretty sick, but continued to this date due to the enjoyment we all get from it and the fact that it works for our family.  This routine has included, since those early days, drinking a bottle of milk.  Sure, at 5 weeks it was breastmilk, at 6 months formula, and since 12 months it's been goat's milk (my son has a cow's milk allergy).  Yes, L. turned 2 a couple of weeks ago.  No, I wasn't referring to a sippy cup when I said "inlcudes drinking a bottle of milk."  So, go ahead an get the dental experts after me now...I can take it.  Why is my son still drinking a bottle at night when he can drink out of a sippy cup, a straw and an open cup proficiently?  Because he likes it.  That's as complicated as it gets.  To be able to say "yes" when my son asks for the "bubbies" while I am pulling his pjs on after a nice relaxing bath feels good for both of us.  As far as I can tell, there is so little difference between his Born Free stage three bottle nipple and a nuby sippy cup lid that it doesn't really matter.  He doesn't take it to bed.  He doesn't fall asleep with it in his mouth.  We manage to brush his teeth most days.  It works for us. 

The so-called lactivists regularly use terminology like "poison" in reference to infant formula.  They purport that it is formula companys' ultimate goal to make loads of money with little regard to health of any human on the planet (sounds familiar, huh?...maybe the drug companies and formula companies were spawn from the same devil?-insert sarcasm boldly here).  Let's get real.  First, would I be so stricken with guilt and sadness if I truly had WANTED to feed my baby formula?  Of course not, so clearly I am not anti-breastfeeding, too vain, too modest, nor do I think it is weird, too difficult, inferior, or any of the other things that I am sure lactivists might assume about someone who fed their infant formula.  Bottom line is that it was the end result of a series of unfortunate events, beginning with 46 hours of labor and an emergency c-section. 

So let's talk about the other side of the coin...breastfeeding is natural.  It is perfect.  It is supported.  There are no arguments against it.  Oh, wait, except when you are on medications...or, when you do it too long...or...you get the point.  A couple of weeks ago I somehow got linked to this article which is based upon a 2006 documentary that features a woman who is still nursing her 8 year old daughter.  Read the comments- I think you'll find that breastfeeding mamas can find themselves just as easily and quickly under attack. 

Here's the point.  Someone is always going to think you could or should be doing something differently.  Having kids has somehow not only provided an open invitation to touch your pregnant belly, which if not inflated would never seem acceptable, but also to judge and attack your every choice as a parent.  If we take this personally, if we analyze what others think about our every move, we will simply fall into an anxiety so great and a hesitancy to make decisions so strong that we will become paralyzed.  Don't do it.  Keep your choices to yourself.  Talk only with professionals and those close to you whom you trust.  Know that most often there is no one RIGHT answer that fits all. 

FREE Therapist led PPD Support Group in Smyrna begins in November

Where: Ridgeview Institute

              3995 South Cobb Drive

              Smyrna, Ga. 30080

              Pro North building

              Group Room 6

When: Starting November 5th

             1^st and 3^rd Thursdays of every month

             2- 3:30

          

Who should attend: Mothers who are struggling or who have struggled with postpartum - depression, anxiety, OCD, panic and/or PTSD

Group Facilitator: Jacqueline Cohen, LAPC

                                   404-822-1026

Depression during Pregnancy

There has been lots of news out lately related to treatment for antepartum depression and the use of antidepressant medications while pregnant.  Here are a couple of articles that address these issues.  Clearly, further research needs to be completed to be certain of the prevalence of the heart defects noted in the initial research.

Treatment guidelines issued on depression during pregnancy

Study Shows Small Risk of Heart Defect From SSRIs Taken During Pregnancy

Jinx!

So my last post was obviously either ill-timed or overzealous...Since I wrote it (a few days earlier than it posted) we've been having significant sleep issues with L.  So significant that yesterday we became alarmed at his bizarre behavior and began discussing whether there was a possibility that something was more seriously wrong with him and medical tests needed to be scheduled. 


I cried most of yesterday as we struggled to understand how our 2 year old could possibly be so energetic having slept only 5 hours (when he usually sleeps 13-14 a day).  How our kid who normally spend 20-30 minutes playing with a toy he really likes could barely spend 2 minutes before moving on to another activity in an almost manic way.  How our child who loves to engage in conversation and please his mom and dad could bat at our faces without seeming to care at all that he had hit us.  What had changed?  He hadn't had any vaccinations in several months and we do selective vax so it was unlikely that could have effected him.  He had a fever for a brief period, but had no other physical symptoms and the fever was gone.  No dyes, no extra sugar, no travel, no significant changes at home...nada! 


Since sleep was the only thing that had changed, we decided to address that first (after having completely eliminated any other possible factors, as minute as they were).  We assumed that if he were to get more sleep we could then evaluate more accurately the other issues and address them accurately.  So, we created a plan that worked for us and it worked for him.  He got almost his usual full nights sleep last night and woke up acting much more like our child than the strange being who inhabited our house for a couple of days.  Thank God! 


What I have learned from this experience is that first, the only thing consistent about parenting is that your child will be inconsistent.  Even a great sleeper like L. was (and hopefully will be again) can hit a rough patch.  Sleeping through the night at 3 months does not guarantee sleeping through the night at 2 years.  Also, just when you think you've got them figured out and your routine, your family groove, and your parenting style are like clockwork, the proverbial "crap" hits the fan and you think it's all lost, it was all for not, and your child is ruined.  Trust me, he's not.  Giving the advice "this, too, shall pass" is alot easier than taking it, but I hope by the time L. is in High School I might actually get it.  Second, L.'s manic and completely unusual behavior was most likely mostly (or completely) caused by sleep deprivation.  Several weeks of night-waking gradually increasing in frequency created a little guy I felt like I barely knew.  It reminded me of what I must have seemed like to those around me in the first couple of months postpartum when I was sleep-deprived and then an insomniac.  I was defintely not myself.  Sure, the PPD had a lot to do with it.  But, even moms who experience a mild PPD or none at all can feel and show the signs of lack of sleep.  Take it from me...its not fun to see or be a person in your house who seems to be a stranger.  Get as much sleep as you can so you can be you.  The best you you can be for yourself and your family!

My favorite topic

So my favorite topic really is sleep now that I am getting it.  I know that many of you are not, and for that I am sorry.  Whether it's because you have a newborn or because you can't sleep even when your baby is sleeping... it's NO FUN.

When I was in the midst of and recovering from my Postpartum Depression and Anxiety issues I felt like I would never sleep without the assistance of prescription meds again.  Early on, my whole life was planned around taking those meds.  I made sure if my husband wanted to spend time together after getting L. down to bed that I waited until a little later than 8:30pm to take them so that I wasn't woozy before 9pm.  When I needed to get up super-early for one reason or another, I made sure that I took them as soon as I could so that sleep would come earlier that night.  When we were at a social function and out later than usual, I would pre-cut them and put them in the tiny little pocket you find inside evening bags knowing that I would drink water only for the last hour of the event and then take my pills just before we left the venue so that they would kick-in on the drive home and I would be able to get to sleep as soon as possible.  It was a little game.   The game was complicated by the fact that for the first few months that I was on the meds (still well under a year postpartum at the time) I was taking meds in the middle of the night so that I could sleep until a normal time in the morning.  The challenge was what to do when I didn't wake until 3am.  My mind would race...should I try to get back to sleep on my own?  Should I take a smaller dose with the hopes I can wake at 6:30am and not be groggy?  Should I assume I won't sleep without it and just take my full dose? Seems silly looking back, but OH how I agonized over this for night after night in those couple of months between feeling better and being able to sleep with just a little something to help at bedtime.

Now that I have been off all meds (including those "sleep assistants") for many months, I can barely believe I had such trouble sleeping before.  I nap every day I can- which is usually 2 days a week when I am home with L.  I am able to relax and enjoy those quiet moments in my bed even if the dishes are in the sink or the laundry needs to be done.  If only I could have known way back when 20 or so months ago when I listed my greatest fear in one of my journals was that I would never be able to sleep without the help of drugs again.  I think I spent a lot of time fearing that when I could have been doing something fun  worrying about something else (like not feeding my baby any fruits or veggies after 1pm so he wouldn't have a BM at night and need a diaper change- that's a story of PPOCD for another time).

In the hopes of helping shed some light on the topic, here are a couple of articles I recently came across:

Sleep Problems? 10 Myths Debunked

6 Yoga Poses for Insomnia

Join me at the Healthy Mothers, Healthy Babies of GA Annual Meeting and Conference

HMHB's Annual Membership Meeting and Conference

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

9:30 AM-4:00 PM

State Bar of Georgia Auditorium
104 Marietta St., NW
Atlanta, GA 30303

Keynote Speaker: Leroy Graham, M.D. - Asthma
Dr. Elizabeth Lense - Oral Health
2010 Legislation for Health Overview - The Honorable Kathy Ashe and The Honorable Sharon Cooper
Amber Koter-Puline - Postpartum Depression
Dr. Yvonne Fry-Johnson - Primary Care

REGISTER HERE!